


The Couch

by citizenjess (givehimonemore)



Category: South Park
Genre: Cartman is Why Nobody Can Have Nice Things, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/pseuds/citizenjess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan and Kyle make an amazing discovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Couch

**Author's Note:**

> Written circa-2009 for a "bit o' 'fic" challenge on LiveJournal; prompt from sarajayechan. In all actuality, I lifted the idea entirely from "King of the Hill", as all good cartoons are wont to do.

They found it when they were playing in a tucked away corner of the street near Kyle's house. "Dude, it's a sofa," Stan pointed. Both boys began to appraise it - a little worn in spots, and the legs were dirty from being dragged (they could see the dirt tracks of its journey), but overall, it was a perfectly usable couch.

"Cool!" Stan grinned. "What should we do with it? You think my mom will let me put it in my room?"

"Mmm, probably not," Kyle shrugged. "She didn't like you bringing that hamster home, remember?"

"That hamster was either coming home with me, or going up Cartman's ass for his Science Fair project. I couldn't let the little guy suffer like that. We'll just ... keep it here," Stan said decidedly. Eventually, they brought an old bed sheet to block off the area from prying eyes, and then Kyle's dad bought a new computer monitor, and the box became a card table. Soon, "Meet me at The Place" became code for sitting on the couch after school and on the weekends, playing WoW on their laptops side-by-side, or just doing their homework together.

And then, just like that, The Place was compromised. "Cartman! What are you doing here?" Kyle demanded, tugging the bed sheet aside one afternoon to see their corpulent 'friend', sitting on their couch and eating fruit pies.

Unaffected by the angry tone, Cartman smacked his lips. "What are you talking about, douche bag?"

Kyle growled. "That's OUR couch, Cartman," Stan interjected. "We found it, and we use this place to hang out."

"Yeah, I heard you two assholes talking about it at school. What, do you guys come here to make out or something?" Cartman snickered.

"Do you want my fist up your ass?" Kyle demanded.

Cartman guffawed, bits of orange foodstuff spraying out of his open mouth. "Wouldn't be the first time!" he cackled.

Stan placed a bracing hand on Kyle's shoulder. "Whoa," he said softly, and then glared at Cartman. "Look, it's not yours, and you know it's not, so why don't you just go away, Cartman?"

"I have a better idea," Cartman offered. He sat serenely for several seconds, save for a slightly pinched expression on his face.

"What are you --" Kyle began, and then it became obvious. "Dude! You're peeing on it!"

"Heh heh, you guys still want it back?" Cartman asked, but the other boys had already stormed off in disgust. "Sweet, all for me," Cartman gloated to no one in particular. Then he took his soiled pants and underwear off and kicked them into a corner. He'd leave them in Kenny's yard on his way home later.


End file.
